Might I recommend to you all some instructions I read today in an old issue of MAKE magazine about how to cut down a tree. I'm not planning to cut one down, but if I ever did, now that I've read these instructions I think the chances of me dying will have been roughly halved. That's down from starting odds of about 100% (though it's probably best to ignore the article's first bit of advice).
Click on the picture above for the whole thing, but here's the jolly way in which it starts::
Warning! Get really drunk first. Then it won't hurt so much when you chainsaw your face off and crush your family.
First step - find a tree to cut down. No problem. As soon as you know how to cut down a tree people will sense it and constantly ask you to cut down trees for them. It will help if you know some of the technical vocabulary:
Equipment: Every piece of equipment used in this process is called a "Widowmaker".
Tree Anatomy: The tree and every part of the tree is called a "Widowmaker".
Terrain Analysis: Everything in the vicinity of the tree is called a "Widowmaker".