Ahhh, finally • 14 July 2007 • The SnowBlog

Ahhh, finally

I've never been married and from time to time drunk friends have cornered me and explained 'what my problem is'. Personally, I've always suspected - as with so much in life - it's simply a matter of proper motivation. Which is why the possible Tory initiative offering a £20 per week tax incentive to encourage the institution of marriage has intrigued me. Now I'm sure if you're in a relationship with someone you're not sure you love, £20 per week will be just what you need to nudge you towards matrimony, but in my case I'd have to do a lot more than just set a date; I'd have to select someone to marry, probably get to know them first, perhaps overcome the opposition of her friends and family, and then persuade her it was a good idea. In other words, it's likely to be a lot of effort and frankly I don't think £20 per week is going to cover it. I might not agree with many Tory policies, and I might view with dread the way they crib loathsome initiatives from the American Right and tentatively float them in Britain to see if they can be used to bypass voters' higher mental functions in the same way on this side of the Atlantic. But I have to admit I'm finally warming to them. Make it £250 per week, and I'll seriously consider voting Conservative. I know people say you have to work at a marriage, but under the right Tory plan that's the only work I'd need to do. And how hard can marriage be when even the dimmest and laziest of celebrities can romp through half a dozen of them in a lifetime. So come on Conservatives; offer to put a little more money behind this important policy and I might be prepared to become a Tory. Though I hope you'll understand that, because of my political beliefs, I'd rather not marry one.


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